Everybody Eat Tom Lehrer

Everybody eat!
Every niece and every nephew even if you're deaf you'll hear them digest.
Kiddie's by the dozen from local zoos
Someone's second cousin but god knows whose.

Everybody feed
For example there's an uncle who when he's drunk'll be a real pest.
And cousin Julia is actin' childish to put it mildish.
Hey you kids I don't know who just did that but it's gross
Then Al begins to smoke and tells a dirty joke when Grandma's comatose.

Oh everybody's swill.
And put up with uncle Gordon video recordin' everyone here.
Now they've all gone away
And we're so happy to say
They won't be back for a year.